So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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