I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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