he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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