I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We are two peas in an std pod
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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