she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
