I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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