I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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