Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want her autograph on my taint
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
