you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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