is your mom at the bar?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
