and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
