i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
