Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
