Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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