We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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