Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
