I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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