you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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