apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
