If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Everyone says I win the strip club
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
