Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
