Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
