What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
