i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
