Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize