oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize