I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
