I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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