i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
