wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
