I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
