...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
