the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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