i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
