We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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