Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
