My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
