So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
