Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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