My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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