Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think my mom watched the whole time
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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