I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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