then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
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I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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