I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am midnight drunk by noon
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
