I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
