I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
