so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
