I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We are all done wearing pants today
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
