I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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