I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
