there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
