I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
