Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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