why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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