Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
