1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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