Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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