By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
