Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
