AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
