Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
