I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
