If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
