I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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