I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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